Are you looking for your soul mate

For most people learn - not a problem. Quite a bit of confidence. And yet the initial feelings of sympathy: the inner feeling that this particular person you would like to talk to. But sympathy alone does not determine precisely why we are attracted to this man. Again, for what purpose to get acquainted.

I assure you that eight out of ten, claiming that they need a couple for a short time only for a pleasant and pointless non-binding pastime in my heart waiting and dreaming about his "other half" for life. No more and no less ... But how to make sure that it is the (or she), which can confidently be called its "half"? And anyway, what are the criteria we choose?

Many believe that is sufficient to study psychology as a science, read a lot of relevant literature, to learn a lot about human nature - and successful elections is assured. Unfortunately, science often brings. The reality is that anyone who considers himself a connoisseur of excellent human nature, and not even too lazy to write down on paper the relevant rules, gleaned from the "smart" books, too, is immune from potential mistakes in choosing a life partner.

Shallow Hal

The thing is that when we single out from the crowd of people for someone who we like, we are guided in this by no means mind. For us to choose our own subconscious mind, our unconscious. What's lurking in the recesses of our soul, in this most mysterious unconscious - can not know anybody. I order him something to get to choose that, rather than another - is impossible. We are not even able to predict the reactions of his own subconscious and the consequent attraction to a particular person. And no pre-defined selection rules, this, the real choice, influence can not. Folk wisdom on this subject was even more categorical: "Love of evil - to love and ..." you know who.

So our choice, whatever it was, in any case not accidental. There are many beautiful, like a fairy tale story in which two men find each other through the seemingly very random, chaotic piling up of events. Blind chance? If we think, not that he is "blind" ... Yes, it happens that the couple met on the bus when both are wrong and sit down on the wrong route on the street on which the two had wandered from different ends, lost, or at the resort, which went on a randomly comer "burning" vouchers.

But together they pulled is not accidental: Thank you unconscious! After all, if you remember - we are all in real life before, certainly not one wrong route, wander on the wrong street, or rested on the "burning" voucher. And everywhere they met a lot of totally random people. And no one caught our attention because, as happens only once in his life, when, and in the breast something "ekaet", and the earth under their feet away, and the birds begin to sing louder. Why is this man? By what criteria such our subconscious, it allocated?

Clones parents
Psychologists on this subject there are several versions. The first criterion - the parent script. Chosen in this case is similar to either one of the parents, or for that sample, which was suggested to your parents as an ideal. This scenario is usually followed by those who are not sufficiently self-confident and slightly infantile, so that in future life partner is looking for is not equal, as an adequate substitute for parents, hoping the lifelong care and concern.

Childhood Memories

The roots of the second criterion are embedded in most of our early social skills - the children's garden, a courtyard sandbox and first grade. In this case we are somehow very attractive people, something like our first friends and acquaintances. Even if you have these friends in person and do not remember. The main thing - you keep a positive and a very early experience with this type of people. And now, your subconscious signals: "Pay attention, positive experience could be repeated".

First erotic experience

Another unconscious selection criterion of the future partner - our first erotic experience. It is believed that these waves of feeling full for the first time we visited in early adolescence. You have to understand and do not have time, that happening to you, the person causing the first sexual desires, such frightening and exciting, already imprinted in the subconscious for many years. And after many years, something vaguely similar to the way it may well inspire you to trepidation, to cause the attraction and even love.

In part, this explains the harm of pornography to teenagers, about which so much talking and writing specialists. What the children see as the first erotic stimuli, may become for them unconscious sexual "trigger" for many years. And they see quite standard типаж women. And knocks down the poor young man, looking for his girlfriend is with legs, hair and breast. However, since pornography in that sense is very one-sided, personal qualities ladies hearts, their psychological compatibility is not the guy in the first place. And having passed through two - three divorce, disillusioned in all women, the poor man and can not guess about the causes of their troubles.

The unity of opposites
Next subconscious selection criterion may be called the "principle of opposites." Those genetic traits that one who chooses, feels attractive, often lacking in himself. Nature is so arranged that all, and representatives of the human race, including, aimed at improving the species. And you, being sure that some quality of your (internal or external) leaves much to be desired, unconsciously, you attracted to a man who has this all right.

Perhaps this desire to create something perfect by the merger of two opposites - the halves, perhaps unconscious fear of the offspring at risk of inheriting your weaknesses - not judge. Whatever it was, the criterion for selecting a partner based on directly opposite your - is not the last role.

Not necessarily in order of your love "at first sight" affect only one subconscious selection criterion. Often they are "acting" in a pair, and then all together. The more criteria are involved, the louder your unconscious, shouting: "Here he is!".

Complex Mother's Son "

Of course, this organized system only works when people deliberately do not interfere in it, just follow what is called intuition. Once the choice of starting to lead, not the underlying motives of the individual himself, and acquired its various systems - the system of selecting the right partner fails.

For example, a man, really been pestering his own mother, begins to actively search for a woman weak and in need of protection, to prove to himself that he still remains strong! And in fact unconsciously (under the pressure imposed on the mother complex in that you godishsya without me ") chooses a different partner - one that would replace his mother. Such imperious hen that will take him under wing and will hide it from the outside world. A man from an early age to gray hair sticks to the stern ladies-grenadersham falls to them under the heel and all wondering why he was so unhappy.

Nature pinned us to one partner. Neither man nor woman can love two people simultaneously. Each person carries in his mind a generalized image of an ideal partner, a kind of map of love, which draws in human consciousness, based on experience.

Based on the fact that all the information stored in the "chips" of our brain, one can conclude that no chance of our passions and affections. As the only partner selected the one whose "performance", internal and external best correspond to the ideal emerging in the development of our personality.