For most people learn - not a problem. Quite a bit of confidence. And yet the initial feelings of sympathy: the inner feeling that this particular person you would like to talk to. But sympathy alone does not determine precisely why we are attracted to this man. Again, for what purpose to get acquainted.
I assure you that eight out of ten, claiming that they need a couple for a short time only for a pleasant and pointless non-binding pastime in my heart waiting and dreaming about his "other half" for life. No more and no less ... But how to make sure that it is the (or she), which can confidently be called its "half"? And anyway, what are the criteria we choose?
Many believe that is sufficient to study psychology as a science, read a lot of relevant literature, to learn a lot about human nature - and successful elections is assured. Unfortunately, science often brings. The reality is that anyone who considers himself a connoisseur of excellent human nature, and not even too lazy to write down on paper the relevant rules, gleaned from the "smart" books, too, is immune from potential mistakes in choosing a life partner.
Shallow Hal
The thing is that when we single out from the crowd of people for someone who we like, we are guided in this by no means mind. For us to choose our own subconscious mind, our unconscious. What's lurking in the recesses of our soul, in this most mysterious unconscious - can not know anybody. I order him something to get to choose that, rather than another - is impossible. We are not even able to predict the reactions of his own subconscious and the consequent attraction to a particular person. And no pre-defined selection rules, this, the real choice, influence can not. Folk wisdom on this subject was even more categorical: "Love of evil - to love and ..." you know who.
So our choice, whatever it was, in any case not accidental. There are many beautiful, like a fairy tale story in which two men find each other through the seemingly very random, chaotic piling up of events. Blind chance? If we think, not that he is "blind" ... Yes, it happens that the couple met on the bus when both are wrong and sit down on the wrong route on the street on which the two had wandered from different ends, lost, or at the resort, which went on a randomly comer "burning" vouchers.
But together they pulled is not accidental: Thank you unconscious! After all, if you remember - we are all in real life before, certainly not one wrong route, wander on the wrong street, or rested on the "burning" voucher. And everywhere they met a lot of totally random people. And no one caught our attention because, as happens only once in his life, when, and in the breast something "ekaet", and the earth under their feet away, and the birds begin to sing louder. Why is this man? By what criteria such our subconscious, it allocated?
Clones parents
Psychologists on this subject there are several versions. The first criterion - the parent script. Chosen in this case is similar to either one of the parents, or for that sample, which was suggested to your parents as an ideal. This scenario is usually followed by those who are not sufficiently self-confident and slightly infantile, so that in future life partner is looking for is not equal, as an adequate substitute for parents, hoping the lifelong care and concern.
Childhood Memories
The roots of the second criterion are embedded in most of our early social skills - the children's garden, a courtyard sandbox and first grade. In this case we are somehow very attractive people, something like our first friends and acquaintances. Even if you have these friends in person and do not remember. The main thing - you keep a positive and a very early experience with this type of people. And now, your subconscious signals: "Pay attention, positive experience could be repeated".
First erotic experience
Another unconscious selection criterion of the future partner - our first erotic experience. It is believed that these waves of feeling full for the first time we visited in early adolescence. You have to understand and do not have time, that happening to you, the person causing the first sexual desires, such frightening and exciting, already imprinted in the subconscious for many years. And after many years, something vaguely similar to the way it may well inspire you to trepidation, to cause the attraction and even love.
In part, this explains the harm of pornography to teenagers, about which so much talking and writing specialists. What the children see as the first erotic stimuli, may become for them unconscious sexual "trigger" for many years. And they see quite standard типаж women. And knocks down the poor young man, looking for his girlfriend is with legs, hair and breast. However, since pornography in that sense is very one-sided, personal qualities ladies hearts, their psychological compatibility is not the guy in the first place. And having passed through two - three divorce, disillusioned in all women, the poor man and can not guess about the causes of their troubles.
The unity of opposites
Next subconscious selection criterion may be called the "principle of opposites." Those genetic traits that one who chooses, feels attractive, often lacking in himself. Nature is so arranged that all, and representatives of the human race, including, aimed at improving the species. And you, being sure that some quality of your (internal or external) leaves much to be desired, unconsciously, you attracted to a man who has this all right.
Perhaps this desire to create something perfect by the merger of two opposites - the halves, perhaps unconscious fear of the offspring at risk of inheriting your weaknesses - not judge. Whatever it was, the criterion for selecting a partner based on directly opposite your - is not the last role.
Not necessarily in order of your love "at first sight" affect only one subconscious selection criterion. Often they are "acting" in a pair, and then all together. The more criteria are involved, the louder your unconscious, shouting: "Here he is!".
Complex Mother's Son "
Of course, this organized system only works when people deliberately do not interfere in it, just follow what is called intuition. Once the choice of starting to lead, not the underlying motives of the individual himself, and acquired its various systems - the system of selecting the right partner fails.
For example, a man, really been pestering his own mother, begins to actively search for a woman weak and in need of protection, to prove to himself that he still remains strong! And in fact unconsciously (under the pressure imposed on the mother complex in that you godishsya without me ") chooses a different partner - one that would replace his mother. Such imperious hen that will take him under wing and will hide it from the outside world. A man from an early age to gray hair sticks to the stern ladies-grenadersham falls to them under the heel and all wondering why he was so unhappy.
Nature pinned us to one partner. Neither man nor woman can love two people simultaneously. Each person carries in his mind a generalized image of an ideal partner, a kind of map of love, which draws in human consciousness, based on experience.
Based on the fact that all the information stored in the "chips" of our brain, one can conclude that no chance of our passions and affections. As the only partner selected the one whose "performance", internal and external best correspond to the ideal emerging in the development of our personality.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
How not to lose the man she loved?
By finding a new love, you're so happy at first, but soon begins to fear that man will find someone better. This regularity. We are always afraid of losing what we are too expensive. That's what they think about this family psychologists: man will never fall in love with a woman just because of the more attractive appearance. Beauty, of course, attract the attention of the stronger sex, but not enough to for them to throw a loved one. Look around in the world so many beautiful, but lonely women! And all because of their beauty nothing hidden. Man strives to be close with an interesting personality. On the one rolls no scandals, do not create any problems and here is the whole harmonious personality.
So the best way to keep your favorite number - self-improvement. Continuous development, training, active life position - this is something that will not allow him to be disappointed in you. Filling with new knowledge and skills you updated and externally, each time brought before a man in a new guise.
We are inconsistent in their life. What?
The crisis of the first year of marriage - well-established psychological term. It was at this time, people had begun to live under one roof, are the so-called period lapping.
He fisted, you spender, he is an owl, you're a lark, he was sloppy, you're pathologically neat ... It seems that when such differences in the character and way of life can not continue to be together. And the hardest thing in this situation - to force himself to give partner. After all, everyone considers their point of view correct. Understand: parting with current partner in the future you stolkneshsya the same problems.
Try to sort things out calmly and constructively, without reproach. Often consults with a man, talks way out of the dispute. Try to avoid the clerk tone and does not bring in referees around. Typically, after a year and a half life fades into the background.
How do I leave?
If the relationship was given a crack and keep them from both of you have no strength, try to go first. Say that you had better give up, even if your feelings have not faded away.
Do not go with the scandal, do not blame him. Try to find a good word. Say, for example, that you want some time to be alone to think. Suppose that you and herself in many ways was not right. Do not hesitate. Otherwise it will be like a game or intimidation. Better to offer to remain friends. So you will have the opportunity from time to time to communicate.
If the separation takes place at his initiative, in any case do not try to hold him. Do not cry and beg. Do not collect his suitcase. This will leave a painful memory in his track, which hurt the next time to bring this same suitcase back. Do not return all his gifts and do not call in the presence of a former lover.
Do your best to emphasize the incompleteness of the situation. If you learn without reproach and insults keep favorite at least one day, you will be much more likely to save a relationship for life ...
His nocturnal erections. This is connected with erotic fantasies?
For one night, men often have erections 4-6 times for 10-15 minutes. That is nearly 20% of total sleep. This is a spontaneous erection, and with the erotic dreams she has nothing to do. While many couples often have conversations on this topic. Woman suspects man that he had dreams about having sex with another. Involuntary erections necessary to arterial blood in the penis updated, in order to maintain vital organ in "working condition". There is also a version that the cause of morning erection is a trivial extension of the walls of the bladder.
Check yourself
How do I know whether I am happy in marriage?
In the words of Karamzin, without good fathers not have a good education, in spite of all schools. Therefore, to learn how the things will family life, look first to their family. Is more likely that your marriage will, if:
1. Your parents are happy in marriage.
2. Have you had a happy childhood.
3. There was no conflict with her mother.
4. Your home discipline was firm but not hard.
5. You were very attached to her mother or father.
6. There was no conflict with his father.
7. Parents honestly say to you about sex.
8. You're a positive attitude toward sex, free from disgust, fear and resentment.
So the best way to keep your favorite number - self-improvement. Continuous development, training, active life position - this is something that will not allow him to be disappointed in you. Filling with new knowledge and skills you updated and externally, each time brought before a man in a new guise.
We are inconsistent in their life. What?
The crisis of the first year of marriage - well-established psychological term. It was at this time, people had begun to live under one roof, are the so-called period lapping.
He fisted, you spender, he is an owl, you're a lark, he was sloppy, you're pathologically neat ... It seems that when such differences in the character and way of life can not continue to be together. And the hardest thing in this situation - to force himself to give partner. After all, everyone considers their point of view correct. Understand: parting with current partner in the future you stolkneshsya the same problems.
Try to sort things out calmly and constructively, without reproach. Often consults with a man, talks way out of the dispute. Try to avoid the clerk tone and does not bring in referees around. Typically, after a year and a half life fades into the background.
How do I leave?
If the relationship was given a crack and keep them from both of you have no strength, try to go first. Say that you had better give up, even if your feelings have not faded away.
Do not go with the scandal, do not blame him. Try to find a good word. Say, for example, that you want some time to be alone to think. Suppose that you and herself in many ways was not right. Do not hesitate. Otherwise it will be like a game or intimidation. Better to offer to remain friends. So you will have the opportunity from time to time to communicate.
If the separation takes place at his initiative, in any case do not try to hold him. Do not cry and beg. Do not collect his suitcase. This will leave a painful memory in his track, which hurt the next time to bring this same suitcase back. Do not return all his gifts and do not call in the presence of a former lover.
Do your best to emphasize the incompleteness of the situation. If you learn without reproach and insults keep favorite at least one day, you will be much more likely to save a relationship for life ...
His nocturnal erections. This is connected with erotic fantasies?
For one night, men often have erections 4-6 times for 10-15 minutes. That is nearly 20% of total sleep. This is a spontaneous erection, and with the erotic dreams she has nothing to do. While many couples often have conversations on this topic. Woman suspects man that he had dreams about having sex with another. Involuntary erections necessary to arterial blood in the penis updated, in order to maintain vital organ in "working condition". There is also a version that the cause of morning erection is a trivial extension of the walls of the bladder.
Check yourself
How do I know whether I am happy in marriage?
In the words of Karamzin, without good fathers not have a good education, in spite of all schools. Therefore, to learn how the things will family life, look first to their family. Is more likely that your marriage will, if:
1. Your parents are happy in marriage.
2. Have you had a happy childhood.
3. There was no conflict with her mother.
4. Your home discipline was firm but not hard.
5. You were very attached to her mother or father.
6. There was no conflict with his father.
7. Parents honestly say to you about sex.
8. You're a positive attitude toward sex, free from disgust, fear and resentment.
Sex without problems
A successful business woman interested in sex more than a housewife, because high levels of testosterone in the blood of women raises ambition and willingness to take risks, but at the same time enhances libido.
And this is just one of the surprising facts revealed in the last ten years, after numerous attempts to develop a female version of Viagra. Sexual arousal in women, unlike men, - a phenomenon complicated and multilayered, the author continues the article.
Data on the relationship of female libido with testosterone suggest that women lust provoked by the same factors as that of men - biochemical reactions of the organism. However, according to psychologists, a woman's sexuality depends not only on the condition of the organism, but also on emotional and social factors, as well as on relations with a steady partner.
If a woman caught selfish and lazy partner, her libido most likely will tend to zero
If a woman is a poor opinion of their appearance, grew up in a prim family, early sex life with an unsuccessful experience or caught her selfish and lazy partner, her libido most likely will tend to zero, analyzes edition.
However, sexologists point out a number of inherent biological factors associated with hormones. Currently, many studies in this area are devoted to the development of a new generation of hormone therapy, designed to increase libido and eliminate the problems associated with sex lives. According to the newspaper, some experts even refer to these drugs the last front of women's emancipation.
"Nobody ever knows exactly what comes first - the personality and behavioral style, or hormones. Perhaps it is the personality and human behavior suppress or stimulate the provision of certain hormones, and not vice versa," - said the psychiatrist, Chris Simpson.
It is well known: the more you have sex, the stronger the lust. From long chastity lust quenched
"It is well known: the more you have sex, the stronger the desire. From long chastity lust quenched. Similarly, a woman who is engaged in business, increased assertiveness, and after that increases testosterone levels," - believes Simpson.
According to research, lust for women is changing with time, and differently than men. Male libido reaches a peak in adolescence, and a woman, according to various estimates, in 35 years or more later. As a young woman feels sexual attraction to partners who are best suited for procreation.
Biologists believe that the woman is programmed to find a physically strong and handsome man, who in addition is able to provide for the family. Psychologists, for their part, believe that the lust inspire men with good genes, in which women see the good fathers and faithful partners.
Psychological intimacy with a man whom you are familiar with for many years, kills erotic desire: who wants to have sex with your brother or sister? "- Asks a specialist in evolutionary psychology, Christopher Ryan. By his estimates, the second year of living together lust disappears. However, some sexologists recommend that women have sex, even without the presence of desire.
Woman on start up as passions run high
Rosemary Basson of the University of British Columbia has found as a result of his research, at the beginning of an intimate connection is often the woman had not the desire nor aversion to the partner, but the plant to the extent that, as passions run high.
"The very act of sexual relations restores libido in women," - considers Basson.
The only thing between themselves, the researchers - is the thesis that to understand a woman's desire, perhaps, no better than women in general, sums up publication.
And this is just one of the surprising facts revealed in the last ten years, after numerous attempts to develop a female version of Viagra. Sexual arousal in women, unlike men, - a phenomenon complicated and multilayered, the author continues the article.
Data on the relationship of female libido with testosterone suggest that women lust provoked by the same factors as that of men - biochemical reactions of the organism. However, according to psychologists, a woman's sexuality depends not only on the condition of the organism, but also on emotional and social factors, as well as on relations with a steady partner.
If a woman caught selfish and lazy partner, her libido most likely will tend to zero
If a woman is a poor opinion of their appearance, grew up in a prim family, early sex life with an unsuccessful experience or caught her selfish and lazy partner, her libido most likely will tend to zero, analyzes edition.
However, sexologists point out a number of inherent biological factors associated with hormones. Currently, many studies in this area are devoted to the development of a new generation of hormone therapy, designed to increase libido and eliminate the problems associated with sex lives. According to the newspaper, some experts even refer to these drugs the last front of women's emancipation.
"Nobody ever knows exactly what comes first - the personality and behavioral style, or hormones. Perhaps it is the personality and human behavior suppress or stimulate the provision of certain hormones, and not vice versa," - said the psychiatrist, Chris Simpson.
It is well known: the more you have sex, the stronger the lust. From long chastity lust quenched
"It is well known: the more you have sex, the stronger the desire. From long chastity lust quenched. Similarly, a woman who is engaged in business, increased assertiveness, and after that increases testosterone levels," - believes Simpson.
According to research, lust for women is changing with time, and differently than men. Male libido reaches a peak in adolescence, and a woman, according to various estimates, in 35 years or more later. As a young woman feels sexual attraction to partners who are best suited for procreation.
Biologists believe that the woman is programmed to find a physically strong and handsome man, who in addition is able to provide for the family. Psychologists, for their part, believe that the lust inspire men with good genes, in which women see the good fathers and faithful partners.
Psychological intimacy with a man whom you are familiar with for many years, kills erotic desire: who wants to have sex with your brother or sister? "- Asks a specialist in evolutionary psychology, Christopher Ryan. By his estimates, the second year of living together lust disappears. However, some sexologists recommend that women have sex, even without the presence of desire.
Woman on start up as passions run high
Rosemary Basson of the University of British Columbia has found as a result of his research, at the beginning of an intimate connection is often the woman had not the desire nor aversion to the partner, but the plant to the extent that, as passions run high.
"The very act of sexual relations restores libido in women," - considers Basson.
The only thing between themselves, the researchers - is the thesis that to understand a woman's desire, perhaps, no better than women in general, sums up publication.
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